BSNL customers have been facing a problem with the web access over the past few days. The whole online access is on a slow crawl like a tortoise with bleeding piles. Of course, the technical backend has no idea as to what calamity has struck them.

The web access seems saner as of today morning. I was inclined to believe that there was some problem with my Linux box/ settings and imagined the doom’s day scenario of some rootkit/ virus/ spyware clinging on to it like ticks on dog skin.

This isn’t related per se to Broadband access but well Indians are being derided all over the Internet for all their “ingenuity” for technical solutions. Sushubh had problems with the hosting solution which seems to be solved somewhat. A bit more “research” and Sushubh pointed towards a direct review of the dudes in Bluehosting here. What pormpted this entry was the mail from Blue Host. It just reminded me that since BSNL support guys (or top dogs) read this blog for the “honest kickbacks”, they should make their “customer care executives” learn this by rote:

“We have received your support call. Great technical support is what sets us apart from our competitors. We will respond as quickly as we can to resolve your issue.”

This would indeed be the “joke” of the year. Support calls never reach the right persons and technical support is handled by a “juniour engineer” who has to extensively cross refer his “f***ing manual” to make some sense of the tripe. (This is inspired by the common tripe by the folks in IRC who say rtfm or read the F***ing manual). Just to be doubly sure, they have a free telephonic backup with someone who is even more confused than them.

The process of evolution ditched them somewhere in between. Part of their brains have been replaced by equivalent of mashed up potatoes. Getting the work done from them is equivalent of getting a full fledged rectal examination.

Why do we have to pay these people out of public funds?

(A Disclaimer here. This cannot be generalised on every one. I know of a person in Hyderabad who is intent on helping the customers out whenever he can. He stays online, guides us to the possible solutions and last heard was very keen on setting up a CRM solution for his division. Such gems are rare breeds who have made the unwise decision to stick to a Government job; they can easily rise and shine somewhere else. I have mentioned this because BSNL should honour these guys for making it more palatable of what otherwise is a lousy stew. Before I end, this guy is a open source geek and intent on spreading usage of Linux. May his tribe increase!)

Today is World Telecom Day. As the entry in The Hindu Business Line shows that, my interest perked up to know about the dingbat who was crowing about the “Indian Telecom Party”.

He happens to be retired CMD from VSNL. Full prizes for guessing as to what he did to his organisation during his “rule”. It’s of no use as to rebutt his claims point by point, at the risk of repitition. The most glaring is the annoucement of “India One” package by BSNL as a proof that BSNL has “taken the lead” to “reduce the tarriffs”. This of course makes me sick.

He says:

Such revolutionary price service package is not available anywhere in the world, not even in the US. This is the result of competition.

US does have VoIP which allows for UNLIMITED calls THROUGHOUT the entire nation. In a way, our “worthy Director is right about such plans not being available in US. (Even of certain plan packages, there is unlimited calls to any landline across US. Internet, of course is free in terms of dial up or at a fixed rate by choosing any ISP).

Rest of the write up deals with some proposals for “setting up universities”. Just because they are in China, we must have them too. If China has done it, we would do it to. If Chinese are idiots, we must be BIGGER idiots than them.

I wonder, what it would take these “respected” financial dailies to apply a “little sense” or have some write ups written by more than bird brained idiots.

Ahh. Too much hope is it not?

Update:
BSNL’s CMD too has been “bitten” by the bug of ‘corporate crap”. I chanced on the entry of BSNL’s home page; he has extended his “best wishes” on the occasion of world telecom day here:

We are committed to provide world class state-of-the-art telecom services to our customers. In this endeavor we have introduced various value added services

Hmm. Who knows how best to heap up scorn on them?

This is an oxymoron- “customer care”. Finally Bibek Debroy mentions this in Business Standard (which is a fine newspaper, if you ignore the ocassional PR crap that finds it’s way in the news. However, the editorials reflect mature thinking and sensibility, a far cry from the usual financial dailies which only go on to prove that a pen in the hands of these idiots is worse than hugging a Pakistani).

He writes:

In the initial months, we didn’t use our Idea phone too much and life was fine. But the moment we began to use the phone, our problems started. Every once in a while, the line would be disconnected, with no prior intimation whatsoever. It took several phone calls to figure out what was happening.

Whatever be the answers to these complicated questions, I eventually spoke to a customer executive named Arvind. I am deliberately mentioning this name, in case Idea wants to verify how it loses its customers.

With assorted call centres functioning all over the place, one suspects that companies pay scant attention to how these people respond to customer complaints. The sum and substance of Arvind’s contention was that these were Idea’s rules and if I wanted to use Idea, I would have to lump it.

Let’s see what “wisdom” they spew from their “official” website. They have been titled as “core beliefs”:(Emphasis mine)

The company continuously harnesses the power of wireless revolution to provide world-class products and services. It aims at responding to customer needs proactively by anticipating requirements and providing ready solutions.

Idea Cellular draws inspiration from the loyalty of its subscribers to keep raising the bar, to shape the future, and to change and enrich the life of each and every member of its ever-growing(!!!!!) family of subscribers.

Idea Cellular’s MISSION:
Innovate. Stimulate(They just stimulated this post). Liberate…(They just “liberated” a customer who happens to write in for a respected financial daily which is having one of the largest circulations pan India and Idea Cellular has made an ass of itself)

Through continuous innovation, Idea Cellular seeks to liberate customers from the shackles of time and space(How does it relate to getting my calls connected/ taking care of my billing hassles)?

The corporate crap that they spew (all the while choking on their own puke) is all designed by advertising agencies (the pitch reports as they call it)/ or some really “smart” chap who has a way with the words and wants to curry favours with the CEO’s.

I deliberately highlighted the whole thing because Bibek Debroy makes another pertinent observation (something that I have always mentioned here in my earlier posts):

Instead of squandering resources on press conferences, I wish CEOs of Indian companies would ring up their companies, pretending to be customers. I suspect they would learn a lot….Needless to say, such experiences are passed around and probably cost companies much more than what they gain through splurging on advertisements.

True. Very true. I really wish someone highlighted the sorry state of Broadband Access too. Let it be spread through the media and let’s make the companies accountable for their lapses. 256k? Broadband? Are we kidding ourselves? (By the way, I confirmed that existing cable pairs can easily carry upto 2Mbps without any further upgradation of the existing telephone exchanges. Still, 256k is f***ing peanuts when you compare with South Korea where guys run riot with 100 Mbps).

Some day. I hope that the voices of discontent would be carried far and wide than the limited scope of this blog. Some day, these companies would be forced to act on behalf of the customers; when customer would truly have a choice.