Monthly Archives: December 2007

Year End 2007

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This year draws to a close in another 3 days. It would not change anything except for the dates. I call this as perverted optimism because I keep on looking forward for some miracles. It’s truly a make believe fantasy world.

COAI finally mustered up guts and filed a lawsuit against Department of Telecom. As usual, the media was frothing at it’s mouth and made this the headlines. Reliance jumped in the fray and counter challanged DoT with their own version of lawsuits galore. It was free for all till they decided to call it sober down and indulge in some back room dealings. Lawsuits have ceased to make any more news for the time being.

Spectrum is the main cause of the “fights”. I have repeated this ad naseum and it makes no sense to highlight this fact that spectrum is a scarce resource and the way Government is frittering away it’s advantages should call for an open discussion. The fossilised babus are barely going to move their butts and would be happy to gather moss. The only people who are happy about the opacity of the laws are the lawyers.

Broadband is a non starter this year too. Airtel introduced their 8 Mbps plans with some assinine download limits. I believe that this seems to be a marketing strategy in order to create a buzz around their product. All the while, most people who sign up “shockingly fast broadband” (or whatever the ads claim), they would become aware of it’s potential. Which means that word of mouth publicity would get them more customers. I am not sure that this is their marketing strategy. I believe that this is stupidity of the first lot to make the available resources scarce and not catering to the existing pent up demand. In any case, their broadband pricing leaves a lot to be desired. Airtel has the bandwidth and the mojo and the works. Yet, it is staffed by perhaps one of the worst idiots who ever sat on a gold mine.

Tatas made a lot of news and perhaps for the first time they made it to the Asshole of the year on this blog. Congratulations to them on winning this coveted award and here’s hoping that they would keep up this record. They had their intentions set right and I remember reading in Business World about their grand plans to set up metro ethernet and their deals with Cisco. This was one off news and it wasn’t mentioned subsequently. VSNL lost it’s dominance in international distance calling cards and then Reliance gave them a good competition for international landing stations.

Speaking of Reliance, they made news for all the wrong reasons. They got into acquiring Adlabs and then fancied making movies. There was a talk of convergence and “lightening fast” broadband. (Notice the way they describe their pathetic products). So far, there has been NO shaking news about broadband; they are stuck in the 128k era. Ouch! Reliance has not ventured much in landline business and they are holding their cards close to their chest. At best, they set up shadown companies like Swan and Cheetah Telecommunications (what names!) to bid for the telecom licence.

Anil Ambani has been a true “also ran” in the marathon all the while trying to carve out some “niche” for himself. He knows that he is being compared to his elder sibling and when crores of accounted and unaccounted money is at stake, blood is thinner than water indeed. Mukesh was sensible to exit out from telecom and focus instead on retail and gas. It was Anil who still seems to be glamour struck (remember Tina Munim nee’ Ambani?) It shows for him.

HFCL Connect is a small time player along with Spice Communications run by Modis. They seem to have mustered up enough courage to apply for pan India licence and spread their wings. They remain, at best, marginal players and would interest the foreign companies in case they wish to set up shop here in India.

Hutch became Vodafone after protracted legal battle and it was a personal victory for Arun Sarin. However, the change of the name and rebranding has not changed anything with this company. I have been after them to improve the quality of their services but then nothing has changed. As usual.

I had expressed hope that the year 2007 would be the year of Broadband. However, this was not to be. This was more about spectrum wars, legal wranglings et a which I am sick of reporting here again and again. This has also resulted in slowing down of the posts here. I believe that the best news of this year is the announcement of number portability, initially limited to the metros. It would be scaled up at a later date to rest of the country. I hope that with low migration charges, the competition to retain the customers would be intense and it would be the quality of services that would speak for itself.

Let’s keep our fingers crossed.

Asshole of the year 2007

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The final nominees for this years most coveted awards are as follows:
1) Department of Telecom. Ubdoubetdly, my favourites. They have bungled time and again by delaying the policies and failing to have a clear head on one of the most vital resources of the nation. Being headed by an utter moron has not helped the matters. When the going went tough for the previous incumbent, the manmoron of a PM added another dumb joker who has no clue as to why he came out dripping from “that place” soaked in birth juices. I am sure that “intelligence quotient” would be an alien term to the elected representatives for sure.

2) Airtel and Mittal. Having turned his baby venture in to a mega corporate giant, Airtel has been nominated for trying to fool the nation for paying off the spectrum dues. One of the loudest opponents of mobile spectrum auction, they are eating their own refuse and paying up for spectrum calculated on 2001 prices! Whoever would have imagined their stupidities compounded by arrogance! They truly deserve the asshole of the year unless a worthy competitor crops up.

3) Broadband companies led by BSNL. My favourite whipping boy. Ever eager to bare it’s little buttocks, they always ask to be slammed/whipped on their bare asses. The leader of the pack of these idiots is Airtel Broadband who deserves egg on their faces for introducing the ‘fastest’ broadband with a pathetic limit that you would not even piss on it. They feel that the users are dead wimps and nuts who would eat out of their hands for whatever they offer.

4) Tata Communications! Nothing to beat them. They were highlighted in the mainstream press by a lobotomised media house. VSNL Broadband has been labelled as “fraudband” by the intellectual users of this nation and rightly so. Being stung by the negative publicity online on the blogs (yours truly leads the pack to aim his barbs at them) and the mainstream press, they changed their name to Tata Comminucation. WOW. This is the first instance of a company changing it’s name to “reflect on the changing role of a telecom company in 21st century”! Add to this a story of a harrassed customer who weeps like an insufferable widow, moaning and groaning instead of filing a legal suit. Assholes springing up more assholes?

5) My final nominee is YOU, the customer. For staring on instead of doing something. For bleating on the forums without moving your butt to act. Shrugging your shoulders and knowing fully well that this system is your elect without making any effort to improve on the system collectively. For keeping an ostrich like attitude and cheering this process on. For all this you deserve a cold meaningless death. And a horrible death with your fingers, toes, brains, entrails and genitals being devoured by hungry pigs. You ought to be repeatedly struck by lightning for you deserve no mercy. (This is a repeat of the 2006 award but then I am running out of serious ideas!)

By common consensus, I am happy to vote for Tata Communications for Asshole of the year 2007! Tra la la la. They richly deserve this for being in the “communications” business in the first place.

Till next year!

Broadbandblog:Asshole of the year

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As usual, the blog is happy to appoint the contenders for asshole of the year award. This is one of the most coveted award for the telecom industry since it involves the movers and shakers of this country. The criteria is very simple. You just plaster the “personality” with the award for whom you believe that his/her decision has affected you adversely. We have had very notable mentions in the past couple of years and repeating their illustrious names. The thread is running on the forums too! (unless the mod wants to act tough and kick my backside instead!)