The final nominees for this years most coveted awards are as follows:
1) Department of Telecom. Ubdoubetdly, my favourites. They have bungled time and again by delaying the policies and failing to have a clear head on one of the most vital resources of the nation. Being headed by an utter moron has not helped the matters. When the going went tough for the previous incumbent, the manmoron of a PM added another dumb joker who has no clue as to why he came out dripping from “that place” soaked in birth juices. I am sure that “intelligence quotient” would be an alien term to the elected representatives for sure.

2) Airtel and Mittal. Having turned his baby venture in to a mega corporate giant, Airtel has been nominated for trying to fool the nation for paying off the spectrum dues. One of the loudest opponents of mobile spectrum auction, they are eating their own refuse and paying up for spectrum calculated on 2001 prices! Whoever would have imagined their stupidities compounded by arrogance! They truly deserve the asshole of the year unless a worthy competitor crops up.

3) Broadband companies led by BSNL. My favourite whipping boy. Ever eager to bare it’s little buttocks, they always ask to be slammed/whipped on their bare asses. The leader of the pack of these idiots is Airtel Broadband who deserves egg on their faces for introducing the ‘fastest’ broadband with a pathetic limit that you would not even piss on it. They feel that the users are dead wimps and nuts who would eat out of their hands for whatever they offer.

4) Tata Communications! Nothing to beat them. They were highlighted in the mainstream press by a lobotomised media house. VSNL Broadband has been labelled as “fraudband” by the intellectual users of this nation and rightly so. Being stung by the negative publicity online on the blogs (yours truly leads the pack to aim his barbs at them) and the mainstream press, they changed their name to Tata Comminucation. WOW. This is the first instance of a company changing it’s name to “reflect on the changing role of a telecom company in 21st century”! Add to this a story of a harrassed customer who weeps like an insufferable widow, moaning and groaning instead of filing a legal suit. Assholes springing up more assholes?

5) My final nominee is YOU, the customer. For staring on instead of doing something. For bleating on the forums without moving your butt to act. Shrugging your shoulders and knowing fully well that this system is your elect without making any effort to improve on the system collectively. For keeping an ostrich like attitude and cheering this process on. For all this you deserve a cold meaningless death. And a horrible death with your fingers, toes, brains, entrails and genitals being devoured by hungry pigs. You ought to be repeatedly struck by lightning for you deserve no mercy. (This is a repeat of the 2006 award but then I am running out of serious ideas!)

By common consensus, I am happy to vote for Tata Communications for Asshole of the year 2007! Tra la la la. They richly deserve this for being in the “communications” business in the first place.

Till next year!

Tags: Airtel, Airtel Broadband, Assholes, Broadband, BSNL, Department of Telecom, fraud, Fraudband, Idiots, Media, Mobile, Spectrum, Tata, Tata Communications, Telecommunications India, TRAI, VSNL

So well this is the new coinage of the “twisted” pathetic Internet access that we call as broadband. People need to be educated about the word “broadband”. It is the speed with which you can access applications online. Not the restricted pathetic “always- on” connection and neither the narrow band that we are used to. No wonder, guys call it as the “fraudband”.

Airtel is screwing up majorly. They have failed to lauch their promised services and are no where closer to the “revolution”. They do have some plans tailored for the masses; in my opinion, they donot believe in one size fits all approach. These permutations and combinations including the jugglery of the plans only serves to confuse the public; majority of them who would not be able to tell as to why the lights blink on the modem. Internet connectivity is “fast” only if the pages load up “fast”.

Airtel has it’s intentions right when it wants to gear up to “serve it’s esteemed” customers. They screw up on the same because there seems to be no accountability. They have a lousy web site which seems to be “confused” and groping for direction and searching for information means a lot of click throughs.

Why on earth they spend money only to make it useless. A heavy use of flash or corporate goodiness serves no purpose except to irritate the visitiors. Though, I wonder, as to how many realise the fundamental value of clear lines of communication to advertise?

Speaking of “fraudband”, I believe that we are getting sick and tired of the ham handed approach towards access. The snail pace would leave us far behind in the knowledge industry. There are no alarm bells ringing though.

We can just sit back and hope.

Tags: Airtel, Broadband, EDGE, fraud, Fraudband, Internet, Telecommunications India