Once in a while most of these companies get the urge to “do something”. Having failed to live up to the expectations of it’s customers in the retail broadband business (where it still markets 128k as “broadband”), it’s executives got in a collective swooning and whipped themselves in a frenzy. Anil Ambanis of the world were impressed and gave their assent to change the name of their businesses. Reliance Globalcom is the name of their “new integrated enterprise” where they give the same shitty experience to their existing “idiots of customers” but with a fresh new name

If you look around, Tata had changed their brand to Tata Communications with perhaps the same intention. It hasn’t changed the focus of their work, their ethos and continue to dupe a whole mass of suckers who have no clue as to what broadband really is all about.

Tags: Anil Ambani, Broadband, Idiots, Reliance, Tata, Tata Communications, Telecommunications India

The final nominees for this years most coveted awards are as follows:
1) Department of Telecom. Ubdoubetdly, my favourites. They have bungled time and again by delaying the policies and failing to have a clear head on one of the most vital resources of the nation. Being headed by an utter moron has not helped the matters. When the going went tough for the previous incumbent, the manmoron of a PM added another dumb joker who has no clue as to why he came out dripping from “that place” soaked in birth juices. I am sure that “intelligence quotient” would be an alien term to the elected representatives for sure.

2) Airtel and Mittal. Having turned his baby venture in to a mega corporate giant, Airtel has been nominated for trying to fool the nation for paying off the spectrum dues. One of the loudest opponents of mobile spectrum auction, they are eating their own refuse and paying up for spectrum calculated on 2001 prices! Whoever would have imagined their stupidities compounded by arrogance! They truly deserve the asshole of the year unless a worthy competitor crops up.

3) Broadband companies led by BSNL. My favourite whipping boy. Ever eager to bare it’s little buttocks, they always ask to be slammed/whipped on their bare asses. The leader of the pack of these idiots is Airtel Broadband who deserves egg on their faces for introducing the ‘fastest’ broadband with a pathetic limit that you would not even piss on it. They feel that the users are dead wimps and nuts who would eat out of their hands for whatever they offer.

4) Tata Communications! Nothing to beat them. They were highlighted in the mainstream press by a lobotomised media house. VSNL Broadband has been labelled as “fraudband” by the intellectual users of this nation and rightly so. Being stung by the negative publicity online on the blogs (yours truly leads the pack to aim his barbs at them) and the mainstream press, they changed their name to Tata Comminucation. WOW. This is the first instance of a company changing it’s name to “reflect on the changing role of a telecom company in 21st century”! Add to this a story of a harrassed customer who weeps like an insufferable widow, moaning and groaning instead of filing a legal suit. Assholes springing up more assholes?

5) My final nominee is YOU, the customer. For staring on instead of doing something. For bleating on the forums without moving your butt to act. Shrugging your shoulders and knowing fully well that this system is your elect without making any effort to improve on the system collectively. For keeping an ostrich like attitude and cheering this process on. For all this you deserve a cold meaningless death. And a horrible death with your fingers, toes, brains, entrails and genitals being devoured by hungry pigs. You ought to be repeatedly struck by lightning for you deserve no mercy. (This is a repeat of the 2006 award but then I am running out of serious ideas!)

By common consensus, I am happy to vote for Tata Communications for Asshole of the year 2007! Tra la la la. They richly deserve this for being in the “communications” business in the first place.

Till next year!

Tags: Airtel, Airtel Broadband, Assholes, Broadband, BSNL, Department of Telecom, fraud, Fraudband, Idiots, Media, Mobile, Spectrum, Tata, Tata Communications, Telecommunications India, TRAI, VSNL

VSNL Broadband has officially decided to rename their operations under the brand name of Tata Communications. How does the name change actually affect the scale of operations or the way they have been treating their customers (1, 2, 3)?

Name change or rebranding does not change anything majorly except for the fact that by infusing massive amounts of money on advertising blitz they would seek to silence the same detractors that they are fighting in the media. This means that whatever efforts had been made to highlight the mess in broadband access via cable would die a slow natural death. And this would be business as usual at Tata Communications. Another instance of money silencing the critics. Which media house worth it’s salt would not want to get centre page advertisements?

To quote (emphasis mine):

VSNL CEO and MD N Srinath spoke on this new development: “The change in the company’s name is a major step in our commitment to customers, partners and stakeholders. Tata Communications reiterates a focus on the global communications business where we are a major player(!!!), at the same time, it reflects our strong heritage and leadership position in India.”

The classic spin highlighted for your eyes only!

This is of course assinine. I have seen instances where the top heads refuse to acknowledge emails from anguinshed customers. Why talk of commitment to stakeholders, the customers, the most important group?

Update:
This post is now listed under Google search!

Tags: Advertisement, Advertising, Broadband, Broadband access, CEO, EDGE, Google, GUI, India, Media, Opera, Tata, Tata Communications, Telecommunications India, VSNL